Forgive Me Not
by Dreams-Of-Ash
Summary: In the wake of a new crisis, the universe is still on edge following the events of the Aya-Moniter. Soon after her return, Aya experiences guilt... An emotion that, like pain, eats away at her. The Interceptor Crew has their work cut out for them, but they're not letting her fall too far. 3-5 chapters.
1. The First Sting of the Parasite

**_A/N: My first GLTAS fanfic, so please be nice! Constructive criticism welcome, but please no flames. I noticed there weren't a lot of "picking up the pieces" fanfictions, so here's mine. Takes place after Razer finds Aya, several months before Sinestro goes over to the dark side. _**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own GLTAS_**.

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_When confronted, Aya would respond with a simple, "I apologize for what I have caused you." They had long lost count of how many times she had expressed her regret. It had simply become a mantra, one that, if repeated enough, would dull the pain the Aya-Moniter caused._

_Or so they thought…. Hoped. For Aya's sake, they hoped the universe would move on. Unfortunately, life is hardly ever that forgiving. _

_It began slowly, as if there was a parasite inside of her, slowly eating away at Aya's insides. She would repeat her mantra to whomever had questioned her, for there was nothing else she could think to say, and walk silently away. Her eyes would dance with the regrets of her past as she made her way passed the three men in her life and away from the scene. Nothing was wrong. She was doing what was necessary._

_It was one day while on the recently-repaired Interceptor that LANOS, ever the unnecessary tour guide, pointed out the previously unnoticed Manhunter corpse floating uselessly in space. Hal had quickly told LANOS to "shut up," while the other two men instinctively held their breath. Aya continued looking down, but her fingers stopped moving on her keyboard. They all knew without asking she had been staring at the Manhunter out of her peripheral vision. Several seconds later Aya's fingers resumed bouncing across the holographic keyboard. _

_It was then the parasite began to sicken her. They had their work cut out for them._

-/-/-/-

During their two previous deep-space excursions, the Interceptor crew had spent a good portion of their free time perfecting sleep schedules. What a strange way to entertain yourself, you may be thinking. And it was. However, unless you enjoyed staring uselessly at the sector of space you were wandering through, there was not much else to do. So, they would retire to their quarters at precisely the same moment, then Aya would wake them up six hours later. Easy enough, right?

No.

Earthlings slept for six to eight hours. Bolovaixans slept for four to five. Volkregians slept for eight to ten. All three races slept more after intense exertion, which usually meant their many battles throughout space. There was never sufficent warning before a battle. This left their sleep schedules confusing at best.

Their varying hours of sleep put them in a difficult position at times. Perhaps the most infamous example of this is the sleep cycle after Razer rejoined the crew after his time on Odym.

They had run into several dozen Manhunters (though the headcount of Manhunters seemed to become larger which each telling of the story) near Rann. Kilowog, who had been awake for several hours, leapt to his feet without hesitation, running down the hall to wake up Hal "boot camp style."

It had been a sight, Hal fumbling to charge his ring while simultaneously attempting to put on his shirt (they slept in their suits from then on), before barreling into Guardian Space with one part of his brain still deep in slumber.

They were finishing off the last of the Manhunters an hour later when Razer, still blinking away sleep, flew out of the Interceptor. They had all stared at him like he had grown a second head, before remembering that yes, they had found him on Odym.

"I certainly feel _noticed_," Razer had muttered afterward before promptly trudging, exhausted, back to bed.

On this particular deep space mission, in their failing attempts to find the source of the yellow "auriem" rings, they had more or less given up on synchronizing their sleep cycles. They simply fell asleep directly after a certain time, and when they woke up, they woke up.

This often left Aya and Kilowog awake together. Now organic (after several prolonged debates, they had finally decided the virus had deleted the mechanical part of her. The organic sliver of her being had been immune), Aya of course had to sleep. However, in a way, she was still a race of her own, and required very, very little rest. o her knowledge she had never slept for more than four hours.

"Galea just contacted me on her ring," The Bolovaxian told her, walking into the mess hall of the Interceptor II. "Carol showed up on Zamaron. She wants me to tell Hal."

Aya glanced up from her repairs to the CPU. "Of course. Should I wake him?"

Kilowog had opened his mouth to answer when LANOS interrupted him.

"Green Lantern Aya, your heart rate has accelerated. Do you r-"

"LANOS, will you assist me with the repairs?"

Had his mouth not already been open, Kilowog's jaw would have gone slack. He had never heard Aya interrupt anyone, and Grotz knows she needed no help whatsoever with repairing her ship.

Kilowog attempted to speak several times, but could not think of anything to say. What _did_ you say to that? It was times like these he wished the poozers were awake.

-/-/-/

Upon reaching Zamaron, Aya stayed on the ship. It was for the best, they all knew. Aga'po would not enjoy having the woman who'd arranged her niece's death on her planet.

Kilowog kept the morning incident to himself. She would learn to live with the events of the Aya-Moniter eventually. He tried to imagine her face in that moment, on the Interceptor looking out at the very place were she had sealed Ghia'ta's fate. In Kilowog's head, she looked _traumatized_.

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**_A/N: Should I continue? Yes? No? Maybe? Please tell me via review or PM! Constructive criticism welcome, but please no flames! Thanks for reading:) _**


	2. The Game of Suffering and Guilt, Part 1

**_A/N: Disclaimer: I do not own G:LTAS._**

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**"The Game of Suffering and Guilt, Part 1"**

After nineteen years of being the universe's personal punching bag, Razer was thoroughly convinced his suffering was the sick entertainment of higher forces. Fate and destiny, and all other stubborn entities that be would throw some impossible weight onto his shoulders, then watch with amusement as he struggled to carry it. If that was indeed the case, these entities had given themselves quite a show.

From the very second he was born, his life was on the line. His village, being densely populated compared to most desert settlements, had been one of the hardest areas hit by the warlords. His mother, the warrior known as Shado, had been forced into hiding with the rest of a small resistance. Above their small underground headquarters, the streets crawled with armed soldiers, ready to kill them on site should they depart from their haven.

His sister, born three years after Razer, had lived for nine years of life, and was slaughtered before his eyes before she could draw her knife. His father went not a week after, then finally his mother fell on the sixteenth anniversary of his birth.

He was hurt, tired, and hardened by a lifetime of unrest when he met Ilana. Sweet, kind-hearted, and incredibly determined, she had healed Razer's heart enough to love again. Escaping to a place they thought the warlords would not find them, he had had the nerve to say he'd seen the last of his burden.

The warlords came, he left to fight them, and he returned to find his wife- dead. His mind had been clouded by blinding rage, and for two years he pumped himself full of hatred. Razer became a soldier of revenge, a minion of the Red Lantern Corps.

Then he thought he destroyed a planet, ended millions of destines. Ended millions of lives, just as the lives of his loved ones had been striped from him.

He would have relished in the embrace of death at that moment. It was what he deserved for what he had apparently those oh-so persistent higher forces had to keep their plaything around, making him relive his past… Over and over again within the walls of a demented prison.

Since then, he had learned of his wife's murderer- the very man he had sworn to-, nearly suffocated, and nearly lost the second love of his life… Twice.

And so, at nineteen years of age, Razer dared say he had seen it all. All the terror that could possibly be _thrown_ at him had been _dropped on top _of him instead. There was now nothing the universe could do that could be any worse than what it had done already. Now he realizes he probably should have stood on a cliff and screamed it for all of Frontier Space to hear, maybe given speech to go with it, just to prove his point.

Because those entities still loved his pain.

In all honesty he would've gladly hit himself… _Hard_… Several times in the most painful place possible for not seeing that _something_ was wrong. It had taken him seven months- _seven months_- for him to realize that there could be leftover guilt, suffering, _pain_. One didn't simply try to destroy the universe and not feel _anything_.

-/-/-/-

"Ice cream?"

Three weeks into their traditional wild goose chase around the galaxy, the three men of the Interceptor crew had taken part in one of their less violent past times. (There was just something therapeutic about making fun of Earth food).

"Yeah," Hal nodded, taking a bite of his frozen desert. "It's a real staple on my planet. Carol and I had it on our first date."

"What are these Earth 'dates,' anyway," Kilowog grunted, stuffing his face with a handful of wormlike creatures. "And does it have anything to do with grilled cheese?"

The conversation continued until it turned into a bicker session, then finally into an argument that was only settled by the appearance of a sleep-deprived Carol. (Hal had rather grudgingly let her join the crew after deciding that they could use some extra ring power in the event that the green rings were nullified by the rogue yellow ones.)

The pink-clad Carol plopped down between her boyfriend and the Bolovaxian sergeant. Her eyes were glazed over from a solid week of sporadic slumber (once again, complicated sleep schedules), crusted at the sides from her recent nap, and her bedridden hair was too tangled for even her ring to fix.

"Please tell me this is almost over," she slurred, staring into her coffee, which was thicker than the caffeine on Earth. Almost honey thick.

Kilowog and Hal exchanged a glance before returning their attention back to the new arrival.

"Hate to tell ya, but we've gotta long way to go," Kilowog broke the news bluntly. "I'd say we're lookin' at year with these rings. Heck, maybe more if the ship battery keeps dying,"

"Speaking of which," Hal interjected. "Where's Aya? She was trying to fix the engine last night."

Two days after their visit to Zamaron, and the engine had _already_ died on them. Again. That made it the fifth time in three weeks, happening every time they got even close to a cluster of yellow rings. ("The Interceptor could've withstood that," they'd often mutter, mostly out of nostalgia.)

Carol's eyebrows twitched, then formed a "v." Looking more alert, she said, "When I woke up last night, she wasn't in the top bunk. Now that you mention it, she wasn't there this morning either."

Hal blinked, before looking up to the ceiling. "LANOS, would you mind telling us where Aya is?"

The overly-chipper artificial intelligence answered, "Green Lantern Aya is in the storage area. This area is lo-"

In one fluid motion, Razer dropped his two-pronged fork onto his plate and stood up. "I will go check on her," he said, ignoring the AI's ramble along with everyone else.

The Interceptor II was indeed a step up from the original prototype model. While built in a similar shape, rooms were often separate rather than stacked on top of each other. The extra space made their journey more comfortable, however it also made looking for something or someone I particular more difficult. (The Interceptor II only had three rooms more than the original, yet they had still spent nearly fifteen minutes trying to track down _Kilowog_ before they remembered they had an AI.)

Razer turned down a rounded hallway onto a ramp that came to a door. There was a hiss of air as the door slid into the wall, allowing him to pass through into the lower level of the ship. The lower level was smaller than the top, but more closed in. The rooms had been piled into each other much like the original ship, making it difficult to determine in what room held what. The storage room, however, was easy enough to memorize the location of. It was the door directly at the end of the hall, and was dedicated completely to the organization of dangerous or vital objects.

Aya was standing with her back turned to the door in the circular room- one of the smallest on the ship. She was actively sorting through a metallic box of assorted vials. Above her a safe-like cabinet was open.

"Good morning, Razer," she greeted, soft voice ever so slowly gaining affection where monotone used to be.

He responded by kneeling next to her, eyes narrowing curiously. "What… Are you doing?"

"There is a vial of of blue liquid that can be used to strengthen the Interceptor II's battery," she explained. "However I have not managed to locate it."

"My Red Lantern battery still has a charge," Razer suggested, looking to the side. "If you cannot find the vial, it will be able to give us enough power to land of a suitable planet."

There was a beat in conversation. The oxygen seemed to thicken.

Aya removed her hands from the crate and placed them on her knees. Her neck straightened until it formed a parallel line with her impeccably-postured back.

"Razer?"

Her voice was softer than usual, and he realized her eyes were glazed over, but not with exhaustion-

"Aya," he responded carefully. Worry was beginning to build in his stomach. She _had_ been acting a bit...unusual lately.

She blinked- a movement previously so unfamiliar on her features. "What is-"

The ever-cheerful voice of LANOS interrupted oh-so-conviently from above the door," Green Lantern Hal Jordon has requested you report to the engine room immediately!"

Aya stood up from her position on the floor, picking up the metallic crate in one swift motion. Returning it to its rightful storage space, she then shut the safe door, ensuring the alarm system was indeed working.

Razer opened his mouth, closed it. Reached for her fingers, let his hand fall. She looked troubled as they walked back down the hallway.

He had never been filled with so much dislike toward a NavCom.

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**_A/N: I'm just testing the waters in this fandom before I do a season 2 GLTAS fanfiction. Eventually I will get use to writing these characters._**

**_Should I continue? Five reviews yes or no (at least) will decide (thank you)!_**

**_Thanks for reading!:)_**


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